I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
