I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
