I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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