Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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