i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
