There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
