Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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