I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
