i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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