You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
