Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
