ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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