We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
