he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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