I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
