four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My breasts were aching with rage.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
