Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
