Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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