I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
