why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
