i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
