I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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