Screwed.edu
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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