I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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