How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
