My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
