My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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