So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
