I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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