he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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