Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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