im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
