True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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