I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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