Dignity is for republicans.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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