I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
