Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
