if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
