im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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