Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
