I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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