Umm I'm too high to move.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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