just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
