I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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