we have officially lost it.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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