i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
