After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
