I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize