I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Randomize
