you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize