rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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