you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
