I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
