This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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