I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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