I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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