Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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