There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
