It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
