went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
this must be what syphilis tastes like
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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