I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize