ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
