Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
