he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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