You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
my poor anus
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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