You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
