i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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