Your tits are I can't wait for
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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