Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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