i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
