Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
