Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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