I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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