I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
you never un-have a 4some
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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