I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
