I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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