He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
