u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
