38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
