My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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