Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
