i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
