just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
