I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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