roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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