Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
my poor anus
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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