Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize