who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
