I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
