I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
