Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
