like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
