Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
