I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
