New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
