ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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