you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
