"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
whose ass print is on the piano?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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