omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
