if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
