Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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