it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
